Swear words..OFAH

Forget it. This isn't Urban Dictionary which is where you might want to go if you were looking for interesting. Nevertheless, so as not to be dissapointing - I present, words to use in an argument. Only Fools and Horses.

Dipstick, Plonker, Git, Tonk - fool, stupid person
Flog - sell aggressively
Leave it out -
Bobs - pounds
Sod - to damn, chap, fellow
You Dozy old Tonk - Dozy - drowsy, decayed.
You don't give a toss - to be unconcerned
Nicked - to wound slightly, to steal
Cor! - an Interjection

You couldn't flog a black cat to a witch!

Innit?

What are you on about?

I don't bleedin' know, do I?


Oh leave it out Rodney. You'll be burning Witches next!

Yeah, well, the trouble with you, Rodney, is that you will insist on thinking!


Del Boy: Are you saying I'm stupid?
Rodney: Either that or it's the Chinese year of the dodo.

Funny ahoy!

Here are some smart-liners that I dug up from my collections. The only reason I am putting them up here is because I want easier access to them. And I want it on the World Wide Web. Yeah!

"Hey! Who took the cork off my lunch??!"
-- W. C. Fields

"I wish I'd drunk more champagne."
-- last words of Lord John Maynard Keynes

"One more drink and I would have been under the host."
-- Dorothy Parker

"Batman is the hero any of us could be, given determination, exercise, and deep psychological trauma."
-- Chris Jarocha-Ernst

"We Americans, we're a simple people... but piss us off, and we'll bomb your cities."
-- Robin Williams

Next time you wave, please use all your fingers.

Love destroyed.

It is an interesting question - something that is always sitting in the background. If it fails, is it love? Yes! Oh yes. Ever heard of "Casablanca"?

After all my erstwhile dear,
My no longer cherished,
Need we say it was not love,
Just because it perished?

- EDNA ST. VINCENT MILLAY

Edna Vincent Millay was the first female recepient of the Pulitzer prize for poetry (In 1923 for The Harp-Weaver). She was a sonneteer and a playwrite, known for her numerous affairs with both men and women. Her best works were Renascence and The Ballad of the Harp-Weaver. Infact, Thomas Hardy said that her poems were one of the two greatest attractions in America. She received widespread critical attention which made her a popular poet. Ironically, it was this popularity that resulted in critics doubting her as a serious poet. Also, toward her later years (1950s) as she turned to propoganda work, interest in her work declined. However, interest was revived again in the 1970s.

Think you've never heard of her? Her pen name was Nancy Boyd.

Punctuation Alert.

I am writing this down for its puntuation marks. It shows how they could be used. The best bit being, it also happens to be funny. Robert Ludlum's Bourne Ultimatum.

“I am a maniac,” he stated, emphasizing each word. “Certifiably insane and I’ll sign the papers of commitment myself.”
“Good to see you, crazy Mo,” said Conklin.
“Have you any idea what I did?... I purposely crashed a car into a tree with me in it! Then after walking atleast half the distance to Bronx, I was picked up by the only person I know who may have more loose bananas in her head than I do. Her libido is unhinged and she’s running away from her trucker husband – hot on her French heels – who I subsequently learned has the cuddly name of Bronk. My hooker chauffer proceeds to hold me hostage, with such wiles as threatening to yell ‘Rape!’ in a dinner filled with a collection of the NFL’s most carnivorous linebackers – except for the one who got me out.”

I wasted away my precious sunday reading the damn book. I didn't think it was exceptionally brilliant. Nevertheless its well fabricated.

Orson Welles

Alright, this is a desperate attempt to break away from the poems that have been coming along. Here's something that got me laughing last night.

"In Italy, for thirty years under the Borgias, they had warfare, terror, murder, bloodshed - they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci and the Renaissannce. In Switzerland, they had brotherly love, they had five hundred years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock."

Some philosophy eh? Anyway, I checked on who this Orson Welles was (excuse the ignorance), and he is apparantly a name to recon with in the film world. He co-wrote, directed, produced and starred in Citizen Kane! In fact, in a poll conducted in Britain, he was voted the greatest director of all time. He was also criticised for his halloween joke on CBS, scaring the Americans by implying a War of the Worlds.

Irish Poems

I have no idea why I've stuck to poems. Maybe its because I think that's more uber-class. Well, here's an old Irish blessing that I enjoyed reading through. And a link to a fantastic site dedicated to OLD Irish poems. And there's this site with medieval Irish poetry.

I remember reading this on the door of the Maliks Home in Delhi.

May the road rise to meet you.

May the wind be always at your back.

May the sun shine warm upon your face,

And the rains fall soft upon your fields.

And until we meet again,

May God hold you in the palm of his hand.

Irish poems were inspired by Ireland’s history, its myths, legends and lore.

A little history: The earlier forms of Irish poetry during the 4th Century, were in Irish Gaelic language. However with arrival of English poems in the 14th Century, a mixture evolved, that was formed in English but revolved around Irish themes and models. This led to the Celtic revival at the beginning of the 20th Century.

Along with writers like Lady Gregory and Edward Martyn, William Butler Yeats was the driving-force behind the Irish Literary Revival in 1896 which was part of the Celtic Revival. The revival stirred appreciation of traditional Irish literature and also encouraged its distinction from the English culture. A physical symbol of the revival was The Abbey Theatre, which was founded by Gregory, Yeats and Martin. Yeats was the Chief Playwright at that time, but many new writers also staged their pieces.

Desiderata SPOOF!

This is fun. Its ridiculous, but fun. This was a parody of Desiderata written by Tony Hendra, that became very popular. Here it is. The brackets enclose the chorus.

Deteriorata

(You are a fluke of the universe.
You have no right to be here.
Deteriorata, Deteriorata)

Go placidly amidst the noise and waste, and remember what comfort there may be in owning a piece thereof. Avoid quiet and passive persons, unless you are in need of sleep. Rotate your tires. Speak glowingly of those greater than yourself; and heed well their advice, even though they be turkeys. Know what to kiss - and when. Consider that two wrongs never make a right, but that three do. Wherever possible, put people on hold. Be comforted, that in the face of all irridity and disillusionment, and despite the changing fortunes of time, there is always a big future in computer maintenance.

(You are a fluke of the universe.
You have no right to be here.
Whether you can hear it or not,
The universe is laughing behind your back.)

Remember the Pueblo. Strive at all times to bend, fold, spindle, and mutilate. Know yourself. If you need help, call the FBI. Exercise caution in your daily affairs, especially with those persons closest to you... That lemon on your left, for instance. Be assured that a walk through the seas of most souls would scarcely get your feet wet. Fall not in love, therefore, it will stick to your face. Gracefully surrender the things of youth: the birds, clean air, tuna, Taiwan - and let not the sands of time get in your lunch. Hire people with hooks. For a good time, call 606-4311, ask for Ken. Take heart in the deepening gloom that your dog is finally getting enough cheese. And reflect that whatever misfortune may be your lot, it could only be worse in Milwaukee.

(You are a fluke of the universe.
You have no right to be here.
Whether you can hear it or not,
The universe is laughing behind your back.)

Therefore, make peace with your god, whatever you perceive him to be: hairy thunderer or cosmic muffin. With all its hopes, dreams, promises, and urban renewal, the world continues to deteriorate. GIVE UP!

(You are a fluke of the universe.
You have no right to be here.
Whether you can hear it or not,
The universe is laughing behind your back.)

Desiderata

Desiderata
(the things you desire)

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career,
however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

It is a long poem. But a delightful one to read. There has however been a lot of controversy about the author. Max Ehrmann has the copyright to it but some say, it was found written on the wall of St. Paul's Church in Baltimore, Maryland. However what matters is its content and interpretations.

from VOGUE

I found this poem in VOGUE today morning.

The hue of heather-honey,
the hue of honey-bees,
shall tinge her golden shoulder,
shall gild her tawny knees

Its a poem by Robert Louis Stevenson.

To you, let snow and roses
And golden locks belong
These are the world's enslavers,
Let these delight the throng.
For her of duskier lustre
Whose favour still I wear,
The snow be in her kirtle,
The rose be in her hair!

The hue of highland rivers
Careering, full and cool,
From sable on to golden,
From rapid on to pool -
The hue of heather-honey,
The hue of honey-bees,
Shall tinge her golden shoulder,
Shall gild her tawny knees.

Art Movements

This is just an outline of the movement of Western art(painting) over time. Though nowadays the term 'art movement' in itself has been set down as art has eveolved into a free flow of expression, that varies with individual tastes and understanding.

Prehistoric - Prehistoric art is mostly 'cave art' which generally comprised of figures of wild animals and revolved around hunting. Wild animals painted on walls were believed to be easier to 'catch' as their soul had already been 'caught'.

Ancient Art - It represents artisitic expression in the ancient Mediterranean world of Egypt, Greece and Rome. It represents a vast time block (1100 - 5/6 BC) ranging from pre-historic times to the Bronze Age. Ancient Egypt was known for its mural paintings with their bold outlines. It seemed as if everything followed one order. In ancient Gree, paintings done on ceramics and vases were most popular.

Medieval - This was of the Middle Ages, with exhibits of the Byzantine, Carolingian and Ottonian era and other Gothic ones. Religion played a very important role as most paintings depicted scenes from the Bible as well as of leaders of Christianity. Toward the 13th Century, symbolic paintings became more realistic. Guitto and his mentor Cimabue, were considered pioneers in the move toward naturalism. Stained glass paintings ruled decorations.

Renaissance - 17th Century in Italy. Paintings from this period were more realistic and 'soft'. Relative proportion was keenly followed which made the work accurate and real. Careful use of color lent a more natural and full look. Painters from this era are household names - Paolo Uccelo, Botticelli, Leonardo Da Vinci, Michelangelo, Raphael etc.

Baroque - Baroque painters wanting to portray movements and lend a more dramatic air to the paintings made use of selective illumination of figures out of deep shadow. Painters were Rembradt, Poussin, Vermeer. During the 18th Century, Rococo movement followed a sub-genre of Baroque.

19th Century - This was the era of many different schools such as Romanticism, Neo classism and the ever-famous Impressionism. Neo classism emerged from Rococo and then moved on as Romanticism, a very sensual look. Romantic painters made landscape an important genre. Then came Realism mid-century. After that impressionism came around 1860's and post-impressionism during the late 19th and early 20th. Impressionist painters Manet, Monet, Renoir, Sisley and Degas used distinctive brush strokes, changing qualities of light and ordinary subjects. Post - Impressionism paintings were that of Van Gogh and Cezzane who laid the foundation for Modern Art.

Modern Art (1860 - 1970) - Subjects clearly experimented with both nature of materials and ideas and tended to be quite abstract
20th Century Contemporary -
It includes all art produced after WW2

Canterbury tales

I dont really know what these type of poems are called but i enjoyed reading them because figuring out what a particular word meant and knowing that words with such atrocious spelling actually got published(and was a hit at the stands) is amazing.

'This Loller here wol preach us somewhat

'Nay by my father's soule! that schal he not,'

Sayde the schipman, 'here schal he not preche,

He schal no gospel glosen here, ne teche.

We lever all on the gret God, quod he.

He wolden sowen some difficulte

- CANTEBURY TALES

"Though it be the songe of old and younge,

That I sholde be to blame,

Theyrs the charge that spoke so large

In hurtynge of my name"

- THE NUT BROWN MAYDE

‘Canterbury Tales’ is a collection of stories written by Geoffery Chaucer during the 14th century. The verses are told by a collection of pilgrims on a pilgrimage to Canterbury to visit the shrine of Saint Thomas Becket. The tales are written in Middle English and were very much the vernacular at that time. Since Chaucer was a significant political figure then, this work is said to hint at contemporary events. It has also been debated that it was these tales that helped in popularizing the literary use of vernacular, English but this is not true. Regarding spelling, innovations were made decades after Chaucer’s lifetime. More here.

About the "NUT/NOT brown mayde", Im researching.

Joys of Victorian English

Im reading "Middlemarch" by George Eliot and it is truly a great work. Even I can see it. Its full of wisdom, philosophy, romance and satire.

Each chapter started off with a short prose or poem. I have collected some here.

"I would not creep along the coast, but steer
Out in mid-sea, by the guidance of the stars"

"Your horses of the Sun," he said
"And first rate whip Apollo
Whate'er they be, I'll eat my head
But I will beat them hollow"

"How happy is he born and taught
That serveth not another will?
Whose armour is his hidden thought
And simple truth his utmost skill?

This man is freed from servile hands
Of hope to rise, or fear to fall:
Lord of himself, though not of lands,
And having nothing, yet hath all"
- SIR HENRY WOTTON

Was never true love loved in vain,
For truest love is highest gain
No art can make it: it must spring
Where elements are falteringng

So in heaven's spot and hour
Springs the little native flower,
Downward root and upward eye
Shapen by the earth and sky.

Here's one lovely satire -

“As Warren Hastings looked at gold and thought of buying Daylesford, so Joshua Rigg liked at Stone Court and thought of buying gold”

Victorian English was the English spoken during the Victorian Era.i.e during the reign of Queen Victoria (1837 -1901). During the 19th century, novels were apparantly the most popular form of literature . This was mainly because of writers like Jane Austen, who set the tone for the Victorian novelists. Prominent Victorian novelists were - Charles Dickens, Bronte sisters, Disraeli, Thomas Hardy, R. L Stevenson, Oscar Wilde and Lewis Carroll. More on style, influence and philosophy of such writing.

The ONE poem

This is the only poem that I can relate to. Im being painfully honest. When I come across poems, and people going on about how beautiful or touching or moving it is - I always wonder what the big deal is. I have never truly understood the beauty of it.

This one is Romanian.

Tell me, if I caught you one day
and kissed the sole of your foot,
wouldn't you limp a little then,
afraid to crush my kiss?...
- NICHITA STANESCU

Starting off

Now, this is an experiment. I want to be able to write - not about silly things like my life or how my neighbours cat died...but about poems, opinions, quotes...and basically testing writing styles. You know, like someone who is on her way to being a 'literary phenomenon'.

So when you read this you will laugh, ...but tell me why. You will provide me with critical feed-back even if it means, Iv missed out a comma....or need to put in one. You will tell me why I will never be a 'literary genius'.

And I will listen. And learn.

Cheerio.